Be Careful of the Culutre You Create
Posted on February 25 2019
There are so many things our children do that make us proud! We see them learn a new skill, master the subject that was kicking their butt or stand up to a bully and we can’t help but light up with excitement! The joy they bring to our lives with the strides they make everyday is indescribable!
I had one of these moments yesterday, when Jaylen decided to take his brothers out into the backyard and play basketball. Jaxon and Kam ran to grab their shoes with such excitement! I stared at them through the window in awe of how they interacted. For those that have read my blogs in the beginning or know me personally, you know how much I talk about Jaylen’s character. Everyone feels their child is perfect but he is literally my walking angel! I feel that all kids are greatness personified and Jaylen is nothing short of amazing to this Mama!
I watched as he helped them retrieve their balls several times, mind you, they were purposely throwing them for him to go fetch! He helped them get on their bicycles, chased them around a bit and even kissed boo-boos!
I left the window to do a few chores while glancing at them every few minutes. Then it happened! I thought I heard yelling but was unsure, so I ran to the patio door to see what was going on. Then I heard Jaylen raising his voice at them.
“I said stop it! Stop it now! Ughhhhhhhh! Why do you guys do stuff like this”, he exclaimed!
I opened the door to find out what was wrong.
“What’s wrong Jaylen? What did they do?”, I asked.
“They keep hitting each other and throwing the toys everywhere,” he stated.
I promptly asked why they were fighting and found that in true form, they were fighting over toys.
I did what all of us moms do and explained the importance of sharing and how brother’s aren’t supposed to hurt each other, to which they responded by giving each other a hug and saying sorry.
I proceeded to go back in the house and they soon followed.
As I prepared their dinner, I asked Jaylen to help his brothers get washed up and seated.
“Sure mommy,” he replied.
He herded the little ones in the kitchen to wash up and they were giving him a hard time. Jaxon wanted him to chase him, and of course, Kam followed suit.
Then it happened again.
“Get over here! Get over here now, ” Jaylen yelled!
He yelled so loud that it startled me and I turned in shock.
“Why are you yelling at them like that? Have you lost your mind?” I asked
He looked at me with sad eyes as he knew I was extremely disappointed.
“I’m sorry mommy. I won’t do it again.” He said
As he proceeded to help them wash up, it hit me like a ton of bricks! My child was mimicking me! He was responding in the way I’ve responded when I’ve gotten so frustrated, I didn’t know what to do. I had created a toxic culture in my household.
Now, we all know that none of us are perfect, though many mother’s try to portray that. I’m no “Perfect Patty” but this one definitely broke my heart. When you have children that are so close in age, it can be quite a task to rein them in.
Jaxon is my adventurist, thrill seeker and Kam will have his way by any means necessary. They are both extremely strong-willed which makes many tasks a complete battle! I win a few, but they surely win the war! I sometimes find myself yelling and having to check my tone, but to hear him following in my footsteps was a shocker.
Due to me realizing this, I had to have an honest conversation with my son and not leave it with the “you shouldn’t do this and that’s not nice.” I had to sit down with him, look him in the eye and let him know that his behavior was MY fault, NOT his! I had to be transparent with him and share that that’s a flaw I have and I am trying everyday to work on! I let him know about other flaws I have and why I don’t want him picking them up. I had to remind him of how much I loved them but that I’m human and being human comes with many imperfections.
His response, in true Jaylen form, was “Mommy, you don’t yell a lot. You only yell when you’ve tried everything else and it’s not working. The boys can be hard to deal with sometimes.”
While I appreciated his words, I had to let him know that my behavior was still unacceptable. Patience is a virtue that we should all try our best to master. Self control is a must in all situations.
I’m sharing this story because, as parents, we have to be careful of the tone we are setting in our homes. They are watching even when we don’t think they are. Every word, every step, every emotion shared is soaked up into their little beings. This by no means is saying to do everything perfectly but simply saying when we have imperfections, acknowledge them and strive everyday to be a better you! Don’t be that parent that has all the answers, does no wrong and gives the textbook answers to everything.
Eventually, your kids will see right through the makeup. I say makeup, because we use makeup to enhance things and hide imperfections. There’s no need in trying to paint the perfect picture. They will be so appreciative of your raw honesty in the long run when they have families of their own. They will too strive to rid their children of the flaws that they see have hindered or are hindering them.
Be careful of the precedent you set in your home, for that look of joy can turn into a reflective mirrror of sorrow! To all those “Perfect Pattys” of the world, soon the lights with cut on and the curtains pull back to expose your truths! Embrace it! To all my parents out there trying their best to be the best version of themselves everyday, cheers to you! Keep pushing forward without fear of failure! Your littles will think you are more beautiful than you’ve ever been!
What’s a flaw you have that you are working to fix in your home?
Until next time Kuties!